Today the wind is blowing ferociously. And there are GIANT pink easter eggs in my yard. My neighbors across the street are older. I think they are lonely…and the man likes to tell a tall tale or ten.
The day we were moving in he came over to see who his new neighbors were. I am sure it was a big event, someone new moving in across from him way out here in the sticks. It did not take me long to figure out that this 60 some-odd year old man who I now refer to as “Roger Dodger,” was a character when he was donning a t-shirt that stated “15th Annual Testicle Festival.”
Have you ever watched the new series “Gold Rush:Alaska?” Well, the dad on there, “Jack” has a very distinct voice and he sounds and looks a lot like him. Yet there is one subtle difference. My neighbor always…ALWAYS has a red, Kool-Aid mustache. At first I thought it was a fluke. But now I know and accept that this is his “signature.”
I have never met his wife. She does not come outside and I think she must be in bad health as I see a lot of health care vehicles coming and going, dropping and delivering oxygen, etc. The closest I have ever gotten to her was a couple of weeks ago:
“Roger-Dodger” has a dog that is his best friend. Actually, I think it is his “only” friend. Well, when we adopted our dog “Dingo,” he adopted her as well. Dingo comes and goes between our two homes because our neighbor gives her milk-bones and she is best buds with his dog. He named Dingo “IT.” He loves “IT.” And even though “IT” is a “she,” invariably, he calls “IT” a “he.”
So back to “meeting” the wife for the first time. My entire family was outside. We had just let Dingo out of the garage after having to keep her in there for a couple of days to break her from chasing cars. (She learned this from Roger-Dodger’s dog by the way…) and she was very upset having to be taught a “lesson.” So was Roger-Dodger. So was everyone. EVERYONE loves Dingo in the neighborhood. Her best bud was so upset she would sleep by the corner of the garage waiting for when Dingo could come out and finally play. And so we had released her. Just moments before him and his wife were pulling into their driveway. To say Dingo was thrilled to be out would be putting it mildly. She took off running, playing, throwing stuffed animals in the air, chasing her best bud and then “Roger Dodger” spotted her. She was out of captivity and he told his wife to stop at the end of the driveway and let him out. He wanted to come visit and say hello to “IT.”
With Kool-Aid mustache in tow..he got out of the car and started walking across the asphalt road that separates our homes. And then “IT” spotted him. And ran towards him. All the while his wife is still sitting there and watching him cross the street. “IT” must have thought he/she was never going to see him again because I have NEVER seen her so hyper and happy to see anyone in all my life.
She picked up speed from across the yard and was going no less than 100 MPH. Right towards Roger-Dodger. I envisioned it before it happened. There was no stopping it. “IT” plowed right into him and sent him to the ground. (Remember, the wife is watching…) In one swift motion, Roger-Dodger did a head-first duck/roll, into a somersault and was back up on his feet in .02 seconds and continued walking towards us. He never missed a beat. I kid you not, it was one flawless motion.
The next thing that happened was that his wife never said a word, looked forward, and drove up to their house. It never fazed her. It never fazed him. But we were ALL standing there with our mouths hanging open. Everyone except my darling man. My quiet, un-obtrusive, composed darling man. He lost it. He completely LOST it. I wanted to, but I refrained. I do not know how I did. Somehow the children refrained. But he did not. He simply could NOT help it. But he gathered himself before “Roger-Dodger” made his way to us. Thank goodness.
Roger talked to us for about 5 minutes before I got a word in. I asked him if he was OK, he wiped the blood that was dripping off of his arm and ignored my question. I knew that he was just glad that “IT” had missed him.
I have to tell you that the entire scenario was absolutely one of the most hilarious things I had seen in some time.( I want to make it clear that we were not laughing at him falling or the possibility of him being hurt or clumsy…it was just the entire scene in general.) You would just have to know this couple. The quiet wife, watching her husband just roll down the road….and then driving on without hesitation, Roger-Dodger with his red-mustache and bloody arm, just happy to be loved by an animal and neighbors he can talk to without being rushed off.
They bought GIANT pink & blue Easter eggs to display by their entrance. And now the wind has blown them from hell to breakfast.. The kids love them. Last year they made all four of my kids an easter basket full of goodies. They always buy the malarkey they have to sell at school for fundraisers and when we go out of town, we know without a doubt that “IT” will be well taken care of.