Every year while the kids go to their other parents for Spring break, Big Injun and I go on our un-spoken annual restaurant crawl. As soon as the kids leave, we give one another “the look” and without any verbal exchange, we get dressed up and head towards “T” town. This year….we did not fare so well. In fact, I am demanding a “do-over,” which unfortunately, will have to wait until next Spring break.
We actually started off really well and I had high hopes for the remainder of the week but sadly,it all ended there. In downtown Tulsa, right next to the new Drillers baseball stadium is a little joint that I found on UrbanSpoon called “Fat Guys Burger Bar.” This was the place that had the locals buzzing. So I mentioned it to that Darling Man O’ Mine…and lo and behold, he had already heard of it. He said, “Oh, that’s where they have the peanut butter burger!” Who am I to debate about a place that has the cajonies to serve a PB hamburger? And so off we went.
When we walked in to this very small, oddly-shaped establishment, I knew immediately that we were safe. The back of their t-shirts read: “Fat tastes better than skinny feels!” There was a small menu of burgers on the wall and a couple of other things like a last-minute after thought of hot wings. And then, alongside the small menu of burgers was a very long, extensive menu of dipping sauces for their fresh-cut fries.
I had went in with the intention of trying this peanut butter burger. After all, what kind of life will you ever experience if you do not think outside the box? But as I was looking over the other items I spotted a burger called the “Black & Blue.” Apparently it was blackened style beef with blue cheese. Then you could add whatever toppings such as sautéed mushrooms or even grilled pineapple. And so I caved. I ordered the Black & Blue with mushrooms and a small order of fries. The guy suggested a parmesan peppercorn dipping sauce and so I obliged.
The Man Sent From Heaven had heard of the wings and thus far Tulsa had failed him. And trust me, he has tried them all. ALL. So, along-side his bacon burger he ordered those. We sat down at a long bar facing street-side with graffiti and waited. It took a while, like at least 20 or 25 minutes to get our food. When they brought it to us it was in a bag and at first I thought they had mistaken us for carry-out but it turns out that is just the way they serve it. No forks, no plates, just straight-up low overhead. That, I can appreciate.
The bag was heavy and when I lifted out my “small” order of fries, the mystery was solved. These were ginormous! Fresh cut, pure-unadulterated potatoes. They weren’t pretty. If your french fries are pretty, they are fake…OK? Run. Just run if they are. Another way to know if you are getting a good FF is the packaging. A good FF does not come in a cute little cardboard container. They come in a piece of paper that is wrapped around them, then fastened by a toothpick. Again, low overhead. The quality goes into the fry, not the packaging. It’s not hard people!
Next I pulled out the burgers. Huge, double, meaty, juicy, fat burgers. They were dripping. Good sign numeral deuce! Evidently a single patty is laughable at Fat Guys because on the menu, it was not. Finally I brought out the wings. This was the true test. Would these wings finally end the ultimate quest for the savory, sought-after taste of a saucy fowl by a Big Injun? So he dug in. Into the little drums and baby wings, drizzled in a tangy sauce with massive chunks of blue cheese . Not salad dressing on the side. HUNKS of blue cheese in the sauce. I didn’t hear from him for a while. Not a word. The next time I looked over, there was nothing but bones and a few chunks o’ cheese left , OH, and 3 celery sticks. Finally he spoke. “Well, those are some good wings!” DUH.
French fries were being massacred, burgers were being devoured, juice was dripping and we were just simply happy. No frills, just good food. This had been an all-american experience. One that you walked away from feeling like you had “one-upped” the rest of the world that had never had the privilege of eating there.
Next time I WILL try the PB burger. I just will. And I will put grilled pineapples on it. And I want a T-shirt. And one other thing, I want my man to try the http://www.fatguysburgers.com/Challenge.htm . I know he can do it. He needs his name on the “Wall of Fat.” What guy wouldn’t be proud? Besides, I heard if you don’t, it’s like $38. So do it. Just go for it!
After going back mentally to Fat Guys, I just do not have the heart to get into the “other” stuff we ate. It was bad. BAD. BAD. BAD. Some horrible sushi, some funky pizza and oh….something that was supposed to be pork chops. I gave them to my dog. I’m not sure if she ate them. They are probably out there with the 3 stalks of celery that was left after she ate the bones from the wings. Not even the sauce was left on the celery. Just 3, lone sticks. Dried up and disintegrating in my driveway.